October 5, 2011

Coffee Talk: Are you high maintenance?

Have you ever just sat down and really thought about what being 'high maintenance' truly mean? You hear this term quite frequently and it's always used to describe a female. You'll hear a male tell another, "that girl was high maintenance." But what does it mean? What is he really saying? And do you take the term as something negative?

I can tell you what it means to me....but I'm not going to say it's something based on a monetary value; not even a demanding female. However, I do see it as a term meaning meeting my needs, desires and even pleasures.

As I was speaking with some friends the other day, one of them said that there are women who require more 'upkeep' than most....by choice. Now...I know I don't wear a lot of makeup (most days none at all), but I do like my mani's & pedi's. I even like getting spa treatments. Does that mean I'm high maintenance?

Then another friend said, "what about the women who demand things from men when she isn't able to provide for herself?" I personally think it's wrong. You can't force anyone to do something for you, especially when the price is something crazy (unaffordable).

Another friend said that she considered me 'high maintenance' due to the amount of shoes I own alone. I laughed it off. Really?

I do what I do to keep myself up. My appearance in my line of work is priority. I maintain myself. There's nothing wrong with that.

And, I don't think it's fair to use this phrase (term) directed only towards women either.

Do you consider yourself High Maintenance?


  1. YEP! But I also work very hard to take care of my high-maintenance needs!


  2. Men take high maintenance as a negative. But if I like things a certain way and I can do it myself that should not be negative. But I do not feel like I am high maintenance, I know you don't believe me but I really don't think to hard about things.

  3. I've never seen a man, employer, friend go for a low maintenance woman. There aren't too many times that you see someone who is together walking around with someone looking half baked...
    When people say you are high maintenance what they are really saying is, "I'm intimidated by your will to do what you want"

    Carry on!

  4. Melanie HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD! I think every woman who maintains their appearance is high maintenance and if you're not doing that, then you are clearly doing something wrong. And to the person who has something to say about your shoes(jellyfish)...kick rocks. I wonder, is it the same person who had something to say in another blogpost you mentioned?

  5. Yes and No! I think the terms is sometimes used in a very derogatory way. I would like to think I have high standards for myself.

  6. Nice post.

    To answer your question- I consider myself "medium maintenance". I enjoy nice things, but I have enough humility to work hard for most of the things I own. Not to mention, I do not DEMAND the things I don't have, but if I DESIRE it enough, I'll work persistently to it by my own means. I don't expect anything from anyone, but I will accept things from my man especially when I know I am equally giving.

    As far as beauty, hair, and health regimens, I am not completely strict, but I do pride myself on looking presentable, in the least. This means, although I don't wear much make up, I do have to tame my kinks and coils and wash my face before stepping out, feel me girl? Lol..

    I enjoyed reading this post as well as reviewing everyone else's responses. Thanks!


    Sojo, FWB

  7. I do not consider myself high maintenance. I've always thought it to mean that you expect others to maintain your standard for you. I like to look nice and I treat myself when I can, but it's not anything that I expect someone else to do for me.


  8. OH MY GOODNESS! Cut my legs off and call me shorty. IF ONE MORE PERSON CALLS ME HIGH MAINTENANCE... I'll do __________ (insert your humble reaction) to them. I-CAN'T-STAND-IT!

    As stated by you, I get that same reference b/c of the amount of shoes & bags I own too. Geez Louise! Cut a girl a break. If provide for myself, can afford to buy for myself, keep myself well put together and don't require ANYTHING MORE than equal to what I have (in a relationship) ---> have a seat in the nose bleed section \_

    But to answer your question, NO! I don't feel like I'm "HM" (as my family calls me) because I feel I deserve everything my little fingers (and God's blessing) have provided me. I wish ppl would stop saying it. As you may notice, this is the longest post I've every posted on your blog. This topic real irks me. Glad you brought it up though because I think I needed to get some things off my chest. LOL!!

    Ears to the Feet
    "Where shoe shopping and thrifting come together"

  9. I really do appreciate your comments. It's funny....women who love taking care of themselves or want the best for themselves will always be labeled 'High Maintenance'.

  10. I think the phrase "high maintenance" is used as a derogatory connotation.

    Being high maintenance to me simply means that a person goes beyond average to take care of their appearance. IMO, appearances are important and some people have to work harder than others to keep things together. If a person can afford it, by all means, indulge.

    Adults should be self sufficient. However, I don't have a issue with a man WANTING to take care of his woman within the means that he can.


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